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Woman to Woman with...Sharon!!!

Hey sister friends!!

Welcome back to part 2 of woman to woman and can I just say a massive thank you to all that read part one and interacted with me on the interview. I’m slowly achieving my goal and creating that open sister friend culture that is so needed! 

So on this “episode” I have my “Manager” Sharon, laugh all you want but she keeps me humble lol. Im so excited for this one! (Ok so ill probably say this about all of the blogs in this series lol). Ive known sharon for 5/6 years now we met at work and we clicked from day one. She was my in work go to for anything, she understands me. She reasons with me and gives me a different perspective everything from relationship, fashion and even this blog. So now its time for me to understand her a little better too. Lets get into it...

Sharon, firstly I want to say thank you and I appreciate you. You have, hands down, been the biggest support of me and my blog life from the very begginning hence why theres no one else I'd choose to be my manager ;). The honest constructive feedback you give me is so valuable and I am grateful for u! 

So a little bit about Sharon (I just realised I say ‘so’ a lot but it just means i’m about to tell a story, let me live). She is a 31 year old married woman! Her wedding was amazing you guys and I am Officially part of the Rai Family after the festivities lol. Shout out to the Aunties!!! 

Tell Them about yo' self Sharon ;) 
Im from an Indian background and I got married 2 years ago ;). During the week I work in my family business and on the side I own my own family business YAAAAAAS!! Yes so watch this space. In the evening I spend my time doing wifely duties and also going to the Gym. I also love eating, not gonna lie I eat quite a lot. Don't we all, Sorry not Sorry? 

So friend what gives you happiness?
Spending time with my friends, family and husband thats what really gives me happiness. In the week I don't really get to see them as much, so even popping round to my mums on a weekend  and just chilling and also chilling with my husband that is when I am most happiest. Aww Sharon what a well rounded answer! I love that your family is at the core of your happiness. 

Whats your biggest insecurity?
My biggest insecurity is my smile, like I HATE my smile! you will never ever catch me in a photo smiling  or showing my teeth. I know theres people out there like J Cole who just embrace it but for me I just hate it. Ohh Kayyyy so this explains the signature smirk lol. Its so funny because I'm the total opposite I cant smile without showing my Nashers lol. 

What was the biggest obstacle you have ever faced?
The biggest obstacle that ive faces is... well as ive mentioned before, I am from an Indian heritage and it is traditional that the bride moves into their husbands household. My husband and myself didnt have a house that we could move straight into, like we never bought a home and when you come from a family like mine that's quite modern like mine as both my parents are born here it can be a bit of a shock. Especially when you think you are moving in with a whole new family, as nice as they may be I just cant be roaming around in my PJ shorts because thats really awkward lol. Things like that can be quite difficult and it can take time and even after 2 and a bit years I can honestly say that I am still adjusting, so yeah this is my biggest obstacle because it is quite life changing and I am still adjusting and still adapting to their way of life and to change anything you have to go through different "channels". 

Whats the best advice you've ever been given?
You are not going to be everyones cup of tea. people are either going to love you or hate you. Either way, NEVER EVER EVER  change who you are always be true to you. The best piece of advice ive been given in terms of my marriage is to, NEVER EVER EVER put your husband in a situation where he has to pick his family or you and thats not to say that the women out there who say 'no my husband should pick me' are wrong but its more to say don't ever slag his family off to him and I know there are times were you have to communicate some things but never actually slate his family or put him in a situation where he has to think 'oh shit what do I do my family or my wife'. I totally agree with this because it will just cause an issue. At the end of the day his or your husbands family know how he would think in terms of decisions so if he comes out with something maybe out of the ordinary they are going to suss that its you and the awkwardness just isn't worth the agg. 

What advice would you have given to yourself 10 years ago?
The advice would have probably been there is plenty of time. Like you know in your 20s your most likely finishing uni and thinking ohh i need to get myself a job and kick start my career which is good but get yourself some goals like personal goals and focus on what YOU want to achieve. I'd give this advice to anyone in their 20s or anyone now. I know theres so much pressure especially in the asian background and i'm sure its probably in other backgrounds as well that you know people think your in your 20s now you should be getting into a relationship and this should be your end goal but no it shouldn't. You are still young, you should be living your best life not thinking you need to get yourself a man or woman, No! You should be thinking about the life you want to create and live in. You know what theres so many girls that need to hear this! I'm all for 'cultural standards' but its almost 2020 people need to do them, life is way too short to live someone else dream! 

OK Sharon tell me what marriage is really like...
Marriage is not that bad! Not as bad as people make it out to be. You know ive heard when people say that they are getting married or even when I said that I was engaged to my husband, people would be like 'ohh good luck' or 'ooh you don't know what you are getting yourself into'. There would be all of these little comments and I personally dont think its any different to being in a relationship. The only difference is that you have actually committed to spending your whole life with this one person. but other than that marriage is just the same as dating someone and obviously you are no longer boyfriend and girlfriend you are HUSBAND and WIFE. there are certain things that you do have to compromise on and there are things that you are obliged to do as a wife i.e. spending time with the in-laws and vice versa where as when dating you can get away with saying 'Im Busy' lol or decline things a little bit better. But I don't think its all that bad. Don't get me wrong its not all flowers and roses there are times and girls i'm going to be honest, there are times where you will be pissed 10% of the time but the other 90% you will be fine. The 10% will be little things that drive you insane. Honestly i've learnt that boys do not think about anything and this is what i've learnt. If you are anything like me, the petty little arguments are ridiculous like 'oh you didn't pick your clothes up' or 'oh you didn't put the dishwasher on'. The arguments change from 'I don't see you enough' to that. Yh thats the difference but yeah what are we going to do we aren't going any where lol. True!

Just for the people in the back please can you explain to us the Indian Caste System...
Ok so the Cast System is still quite relevant over here and in India and its based on your occupation. So i'm Jatt which are known as farmer and they come under agricultural but they are known to be high up in the hierarchy because they own most of the land. My Husband is Rajputs and they are the highest Caste known to be descendants of Royalty. Yes my husband says i've levelled up. So obviously in India it is a very big thing but depending on your family and whether your parents are traditional or quite modern, the caste system is relevant for families here too. Like Many families do believe that one Caste needs to marry the same caste, i.e. a high caste would marry the same caste. My grandma has always told me that it's mainly because their are differences in traditions in the castes. For example, the things that a higher caste may do lower castes may not. Also if you were to go back to India, the way of living is quite different as well. Someones house may be quite different and the way of living will be different for example they may have cleaners and other castes may not be that fortunate. It's a different lifestyle over there in terms of castes. To me it doesn't really apply here because we are in England. Like when I met my Husband i didn't even know he was a different caste until someone pointed it out a couple of years later. I mean its not something i'd ask. I was a little bit hesitant to tell my parents, not that I would think that they would mind, just that I didn't know how they would react. But because we are like the farmers (no.2) and my Husband is like the top caste. Luckily they all took it really well so I was quite lucky, some people aren't as lucky and its unfortunate that people can get disowned by their family. 
Being here in the UK I think has helped because you dont see that side to it as much. Like when I was getting married there were a few things which they did that we didn't in terms of their marital traditions which is different. If you are willing to get married to a different caste you have to be mindful of their traditions and you have to be respectful of that. So do you think its still relevant today? Well in India for sure but here or in somewhere here more westernised theres more leniency but it depends on the family really. Honestly I could talk about this all day long. I did my research and this is the longest standing caste system in the world and to me this is so organised compared to others i've read about, no wonder its lasted hundreds of years. I feel this needs a Podcaste (did you like what I did there lol). 

What a Blog!
For me this is so interesting like I genuinely want to have a podcast on it or if anyone knows one on this topic please send me the link. Marriage and Castes! Thank you Sharon for taking the time and opening our minds to Indian Culture i'm sure not a lot of people are aware of the Indian culture. Next time I see your hubby do I have to bow or... lol. 
It was so important for me to type word for word what you said to make sure I got the story right!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU!THANK YOU to everyone keeping up with the blogs and Next week we have a little star Tita and her story! She is way more mature than her age and you will love to read what she has to say! I'm really excited to share it with you and of course I cried at her answers too!

Stay Tuned!!!!  


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